Fist Pumps to Online Dating

Did you know I dated a Guido? A gelled up hair, fake tan, waxed eyebrows, cologne dousing, fist pumper that spent more time at the gym or out in the clubs kind of guy.  He had a girlfriend and I was the “other woman.” Sounds typical Erica, right? I’m not sure what came over me. I thought this guy was ridiculous and ridiculously good looking. Perhaps it was the cologne, his style, energy, or that mere fact I was going through a terrible break up and needed a rebound.

When I met him I was living with a boyfriend that cheated on me. We were “stuck” in this stupid situation as our finances hindered us from moving out.  [Now] Funny story – I found out he was cheating on me because he borrowed my computer and left his email open. I am not one to invade privacy but what caught my eye were the subject lines that stood out, “I miss you, I love you” and “Can’t wait to see you this weekend!” I then saw a confirmation email from Amtrak to Canada. Homeboy left his passport on the coffee table mixed in with trash, junk mail, ash, marijuana buds and I happened to “clean” it all off by throwing it all away. Well darn I think that passport you’re missing is gone, but why would you freak out? It all unleashed when he had to fess up on his travel plans and went dumpster diving. Don’t worry he made it to Canada and back to live with me for 6 more months.

When the ex would come home after work I didn’t want to be there. It was a one-bedroom apartment and I got the room, he stayed on the couch. I hated him there, I hated the situation and I needed a distraction. I went to Vegas for a weekend to clear my head and visit my folks. During that time Guido was fist pumping the weekend away in the clubs of Vegas at the same time. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend but what happened in Vegas ended up coming back to Portland with us.

He never really came out straight with me about his girlfriend but his apartment was flooded with shoes, tampons in the bathroom, her clothes in the closet; I think she lived far away, but would come up every other weekend and I had him the rest of the time. I ended up being ok with it because it was nice to have attention, to have someone getting me out of that stuffy apartment with my ex, he was a lot of fun, we went out a lot and had a great time, he was different but hell they all are. He said he didn’t have the heart to break it off with his girlfriend; she just met his family and got attached. Whatever.

This all soon became a bit complicated as they eventually broke up and we decided to be a thing that ended up becoming too crazy too quickly. He liked to party, the ex was not ever completely out of the picture, I knew he wasn’t trust worthy and I ended up getting hurt over and over. Oh you didn’t see this coming? I knew it, but I had my emotions and heart involved. It was a vicious jealous cycle full of immature moves on one another.

I was finally able to move into my beautiful 2 bedroom St. Clair Avenue apartment. I moved in with a lovely lady that soon moved to France for the summer and I recruited a new roommate by a friend of a friend’s friend’s Facebook post. As the new roommate got settled in and Guido would be over, Roommate would give me this look like, “What the hell are you doing with this guy?” One time I came home crying after fighting with Guido, I vented to Roommate and he revealed the guy was a real douche and I needed to move on. My new roommate was and still is a stand up guy. He traveled the world, Peace Corp volunteer, elementary school teacher, soccer and la Crosse coach, quite intelligent, quiet, respectful, a real man’s man. When a man like this is giving you advice, you best adhere. After failed attempts of trying to cut off Guido, after running back time and time, not sure how to get over it, Roommate suggested online dating. What the hell? This man’s man is advising me to get online and ask to get raped?

Growing up online dating, chat rooms, meeting someone electronically was completely taboo, it was a way of displaying your lonely flag of desperation. Perhaps I watched too many Lifetime movies but meeting someone off the Internet was dangerous, why and how could I bring myself to this low? My stand up roommate asked me to never reveal his participation in such a venture but it was something he had a hard time as I was grasping but was thankful he experienced it. He explained he helped him get over his ex and that our society evolving in a new direction, it’s hard to meet people but what I needed was another distraction. I needed to educate myself and experience different types of relationships, meet men that aren’t douche bag Guido type. He wanted me to realize there are good men out there like him online. I needed to get rid of my bias and get over the way I was taught and get out and explore myself.

I did it! As I rolled my eyes, shook my head, I sheepishly created an online profile on OkCupid.com. I felt like a total nerd. I did it with a smirk on my face and just went with it, threw my hands up and said, well hell if Roommate is on here, I suppose it’s worth checking out. What I didn’t know would be a road filled with epic adventures! People are funny, weird, creepy, crazy, but overall good. I met high corporate businessmen, professional athletes, my 3 best friends, artists, comedians, and everything in between from actually dating for substantial times to one-night stands. I've had people freak out on me, throw glass, art, and be gentlemen...Boy, do I have stories, hence this blog.

I must say despite what people thought or said about Guido, I am very happy I went through that crazy relationship. It was something if I just listened to others, he would still be on my mind. I had to exhaust all options in order to come out of it. I had to recognize and have the desire to want to come out of it. When I see friends struggling and with a person that makes me think, “what the hell are they doing?” I know it’s a self-discovery moment for them that shouldn’t be completely interrupted by my judgment.